For better or for worse . . .

So, exactly one week ago today life seemed completely different.  Seem a little drastic . . . well yes, it is!  If you follow my blog, you will know that me and M (my ex) have been on again off again for quite a few months and i've really been uncertain about how I felt, how he felt, and what our fate would be.  So last week, for better or worse, I wrote him a letter.  It was a combination of good and bad feelings, but it said exactly what I was thinking.  I poured my heart out and laid everything I had on the line . . . was he the one?!  I had to know our fate.  I tearfully handed M my note and walked away hoping for the best . . . but expecting the worst.

On Tuesday, M asked if I could meet after work (yes, we work together too, ugh) to discuss my letter.  So, maybe I over-think some things but often I know people and their reactions very well.  My first thought was M wanted to meet after work so that my sobbing would not be witnesses by our office when he let my heart down.  Crazy thought?  But oh so true.

On Tuesday evening I was informed that there is officially no more "us" and that there is now someone new.   In a matter of days, i've been able to calm down and move from the "I want to stab him every time he walks by my desk with a letter opener" to "maybe things will work out one day and maybe they won't."  But there is one thing I know for sure . . . I am an amazing person who cries and gets emotional, but I also love just as passionately.  And anyone who gets to experience that is extremely lucky.

So, what now?!  M has agreed to keep things as quiet as possible at work and have his door closed at all times.  Out of sight, out of mind right?!  I have also agreed to calm down and if I get emotional I will talk to him like a 30-something year old adult and not a psycho in Lifetime movie.  Since we live on the same street, I go out of my way to not pass his house on my way to work.  I will not go to a bar or event that he may be at, and we are no longer friends on fb.  I know more about the "new girl" than he will ever want to know, and my guess is it won't last.  That being said, maybe we weren't suppose to either.

So, no talking at work, no passing his house on my way to work, i've also started taking dance classes again and and teaching as well.  In addition to my new running routine, i've also started tennis lessons.  The goal here people is to keep busy.  Because if i'm busy then I can't think about him, and if I can't think about him, then I can't be sad, right?!

And finally, maybe one day i'll muster up enough nerve to actually thank him.  Because going from couch-vegger to 5 days a week of workouts is certainly something my next bf is gonna appreciate ;)